Cube of Concordance

Aura moderate divination; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION

This flawless cube of cobalt-blue glass measures 2 inches on each side. Each of its six faces bears a single magical rune. A creature may spend 10 minutes concentrating while holding the cube to attune itself to one unclaimed rune. Once attuned, that rune permanently represents that creature until the attunement is willingly relinquished by both the creature and the cube through another 10-minute ritual.

A cube may have no more than six attuned creatures, with one creature assigned to each rune. No creature may be attuned to more than one rune on the same cube.

As a standard action, an attuned creature may trace its own rune with a finger, mentally choosing one of the other attuned runes. If the chosen creature is on the same plane of existence, both creatures immediately hear one another's voices as though standing side by side. This communication functions regardless of physical distance, including through solid stone, underground, underwater, or within sealed chambers.

The connection lasts for up to 1 minute or until either participant ends it as a free action. No other attuned creatures hear the conversation.

Each attuned creature may activate the cube in this manner once per day.

LORE

The Cube of Concordance is prized by military officers, merchant consortiums, and small adventuring companies that require dependable long-distance communication. Its remarkable reliability has made it a favorite among organizations whose members routinely become separated by great distances.

Although the magic easily penetrates mountains, fortifications, and even the depths beneath the earth, it is fundamentally planar in nature. The enchantment simply fails if either participant is on a different plane of existence. Scholars speculate that the cube creates a temporary sympathetic resonance between its attuned runes rather than transmitting sound through conventional magical means.

Master enchanters often craft these cubes in small batches, assigning one to each expedition, fortress, or command structure. Because each cube permanently accommodates only six individuals unless attunements are willingly relinquished, they tend to foster close-knit groups rather than large organizations.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sending; Cost 10,000 gp, 800 XP, 20 days.

KELWYN'S NOTES

One quickly discovers that silence is often more dangerous than dragons. Entire kingdoms have fallen because the right words arrived an hour too late. This humble blue cube cannot prevent tragedy, but it can certainly improve the odds.

The limitation of six individuals is, I suspect, quite intentional. Larger circles become increasingly difficult for the enchantment to maintain without introducing confusion or unintended listeners. A wizard who attempts to outsmart such elegant magical mathematics generally succeeds only in creating expensive blue gravel.

The one-minute duration likewise strikes a delightful balance. One learns to think before speaking, state one's purpose clearly, and reserve idle chatter for taverns rather than enchantments. I daresay the world would benefit if more conversations possessed such discipline.

Do remember that the cube recognizes people rather than places. A companion may wander from castle to cavern to ship's hold without disrupting the connection, provided they remain upon the same plane of existence. Distance is an inconvenience reserved for ordinary folk.

Should you ever encounter an empty Cube of Concordance, treat it with care. Few magical items begin their existence with six lifelong friendships waiting patiently to be inscribed upon their polished blue faces. There is something rather poetic about being the first name a piece of magic ever learns.

Houndbane Light Crossbow

Aura Moderate Transmutation CL 8th
Slot —; Price 18,335 gp; Weight 4 lb.

DESCRIPTION

The Houndbane Light Crossbow is a finely balanced +1 light crossbow whose dark walnut stock is carved with images of fleeing wolves beneath a waning moon. Its steel limbs are etched with tiny runes that seem almost to shimmer when aimed at creatures of the canine line. Though outwardly unremarkable, hunters of dangerous beasts quickly learn that the weapon carries an enchantment born of generations spent battling ravenous packs, infernal hounds and cursed shapeshifters.

Whenever a bolt fired from a Houndbane Light Crossbow successfully strikes a creature of canine nature, it deals an additional 2d6 points of damage. This extra damage is not multiplied on a successful critical hit.

For the purposes of this enchantment, canine creatures include, but are not limited to, dogs, riding dogs, wolves, dire wolves, worgs, blink dogs, winter wolves, hell hounds, yeth hounds, barghests in either form and lycanthropes whose animal form is canine (such as werewolves, werejackals and weredogs) while in animal or hybrid form. The Dungeon Master is the final authority on whether a creature qualifies as canine for this effect.

The additional damage stacks normally with the benefits of special ammunition, such as silver or cold iron bolts, whenever those materials would also affect the target.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, bane;
Cost 9,167 gp, 5 sp + 733 XP.

LORE

The first Houndbane Light Crossbows were crafted by isolated villages whose borders lay against deep forests where wolves were only the least of their worries. As generations passed, those forests became home to worg tribes, infernal hunting packs and cursed men who surrendered themselves to the moon. Rather than enchant a weapon to destroy all monsters equally, the village artificers concentrated their efforts upon the predators that stalked their homes year after year.

Many professional monster hunters consider the weapon a mark of grim experience. Unlike grand enchanted swords carried by celebrated heroes, the Houndbane Light Crossbow is often found in the hands of scouts, trappers, bounty hunters and caravan guards who understand that survival depends upon striking first. Veterans frequently carry silver bolts alongside ordinary ammunition, allowing the crossbow to remain effective against both natural beasts and supernatural foes.

Legends persist of a forgotten order known as the Brotherhood of the Broken Fang, whose members swore never to hunt ordinary wolves, reserving their weapons only for creatures twisted by evil, infernal influence or unnatural curses. According to the oldest surviving journals, every Houndbane Light Crossbow they forged bore the name of a village destroyed before its creation, ensuring that each weapon served as both a tool of vengeance and a memorial to those who had fallen.

Sadly, some of these weapons have been used against innocent animals that have done no harm, such as blink dogs, pets and even puppies. Using such a weapon against such creatures is the mark of a truly innocent individual, and the DM should make note of this behavior.

KELWYN'S NOTES

Hatred is an unreliable craftsman. Those who forge a weapon solely to indulge vengeance eventually discover that their anger dulls long before the steel does. Yet purpose is another matter entirely. A weapon built to defend the innocent carries a different sort of weight, even when its purpose is terribly specific.

The Houndbane Light Crossbow was never intended for common hunting. Its earliest makers sought only to protect isolated villages from werewolves, worgs, hell hounds and the many other canine horrors that prey upon civilized folk. Against such monsters, the weapon has more than earned its reputation.

As with any finely crafted instrument, however, its purpose has not always remained in honorable hands. I have encountered more than one evil ranger who delighted in slaughtering ordinary dogs for sport or malice, carrying one of these crossbows as though it were a badge of accomplishment rather than shame. Such people mistake cruelty for strength, never realizing that a loyal hound possesses more honor than they shall ever know.

Blink dogs deserve separate mention. They are neither wicked nor deserving of persecution. Their inclusion within the enchantment stems from their unmistakably canine nature, not from any moral failing. I would strongly caution any owner of this crossbow against treating every eligible target as an enemy. Wisdom should always guide the hand that holds enchanted steel.

The greatest strength of the Houndbane Light Crossbow is not the additional harm it inflicts. Rather, it lies in the confidence it grants a frightened traveler who hears howling beyond the firelight. Sometimes courage comes not from believing oneself invincible, but from knowing that one prepared carefully for the danger most likely to arrive.

Mist of Rapture

Aura Moderate Enchantment; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION

Mist of Rapture is most commonly found sealed within a fragile glass globe or a small metal vial. When the container is opened or broken, the rose-colored vapor escapes, expanding into a spherical cloud with a radius of up to 30 feet, depending upon the amount released. The damp, heavy vapors cling to clothing, skin, and other surfaces, remaining in place for 1d4 days in still air. Strong winds disperse the mist normally, while even the gentlest air currents cause the cloud to drift slowly.

Any humanoid that breathes the mist must succeed on a DC 17 Will save or become overwhelmed by indescribable ecstasy for 1d6 rounds. A creature that succeeds on its saving throw is affected for only 1d3 rounds. While under the effects of the mist, an affected creature drops anything it is holding, falls prone if able, and becomes helpless, blissfully oblivious to its surroundings. Physical attacks, loud noises, or other external stimuli do not interrupt the effect.

The mist completely occupies the victim's thoughts, rendering it temporarily immune to all charm and compulsion effects while affected. Creatures maintaining telepathic contact with an affected target immediately become subject to the Mist of Rapture themselves, suffering the same duration and receiving their own saving throw. Creatures immune to mind-affecting effects are unaffected by the mist.

During the round immediately following the end of the effect, an affected creature is disoriented. It moves at half speed, loses any Dexterity bonus to Armor Class, cannot make attacks of opportunity, automatically loses initiative ties, and takes a –4 penalty on Spot and Listen checks until the end of its next turn.

LORE

The art of creating the Mist of Rapture has been lost in antiquity. No surviving spellbook, alchemical treatise, or artificer's journal records its true formula, and countless attempts to reproduce the rose-colored vapor have ended in failure. The few known examples are almost always discovered sealed within delicate glass globes or finely crafted metal vials of unknown manufacture, often recovered from ancient tombs, forgotten vaults, or long-buried ruins. Each newly discovered vessel is regarded as an irreplaceable relic, for once its contents are released, they are gone forever.

Unlike ordinary gases, the Mist of Rapture possesses strange physical properties that continue to puzzle both alchemists and wizards. The vapor is unnaturally heavy and damp, clinging to skin, clothing, and every surface it touches while lingering for days in perfectly still air. Even the gentlest breeze carries it only reluctantly. Most remarkable of all is its contradictory nature. Though it utterly overwhelms the senses with indescribable ecstasy, it simultaneously closes the victim's mind to outside influence, rendering enchantments that manipulate thought or will temporarily powerless. Many scholars have called this one of the great paradoxes of enchantment magic.

The greatest mystery, however, lies not in the mist itself, but in the consciousness it touches. Those linked by telepathy to an affected creature experience the same overwhelming rapture without ever drawing a breath of the rose-colored vapor. This phenomenon has led some psionic researchers to theorize that inhalation merely establishes an initial connection, after which the enchantment spreads directly through thought itself. Whether this represents an unknown branch of enchantment, a forgotten psionic discipline, or the lingering remnant of a magical tradition now lost to history remains one of the enduring unanswered questions of the arcane arts.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, calm emotions, hideous laughter, mind fog; Cost 4,500 gp + 360 XP

Materials a flawless crystal globe or alchemically treated bronze vial, powdered rose quartz, distilled lotus nectar, dew gathered from moon-blooming roses, and incense burned from dreamwood harvested beneath a full moon.

KELWYN'S NOTES

One of the greatest follies of young wizards is believing every dangerous magic must also be violent. The Mist of Rapture is a perfect contradiction. It sheds no blood, scorches no flesh, and leaves no visible wound, yet a single vial can render an entire company utterly incapable of defending itself. The battlefield has seen many horrors. Few are so serene.

I find the loss of its formula almost comforting. Modern artificers possess an unfortunate habit of reproducing every ancient marvel they uncover, usually with greater efficiency and less restraint. Some secrets deserve to remain secrets. A substance capable of reducing rational minds to helpless bliss would be a dreadful commodity were it to become commonplace in civilized lands.

Its peculiar interaction with enchantment has fascinated scholars for centuries. Most compulsions succeed by inserting foreign thoughts into the mind. The Mist allows no room for such intrusions. Every corner of consciousness is consumed by overwhelming sensation, leaving no avenue through which another will may enter. I suspect this is less a defensive property than a fortunate consequence of the enchantment's true purpose.

The telepathic transmission remains the greatest puzzle. One cannot help but wonder whether the vapor itself is merely the visible expression of a far deeper magical phenomenon. If thought alone can carry the enchantment, perhaps the rose-colored cloud serves only as the key that unlocks a door within the mind. The implications are both extraordinary and deeply unsettling.

Should you ever discover an intact vial, resist every temptation to satisfy your curiosity. The world contains countless magical experiences worth pursuing, but there is something profoundly dangerous about perfection. Those who survive the Mist of Rapture rarely describe what they witnessed in any meaningful detail. They merely smile... and speak of spending the rest of their lives wishing to feel that way again.

Originally created by Ed Greenwood and modified for D&D 3.5 Edition.

Boots of Aggressive Skipping

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot feet; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION

Fashioned from supple leather in vibrant colors, these boots are perpetually polished and somehow always appear brand new. The instant their wearer attempts to move, the boots compel an energetic skipping gait. Walking is impossible. Running simply becomes faster skipping. Even a cautious 5-foot step is performed with an enthusiastic hop.

While worn, the boots grant a +20-foot enhancement bonus to all movement speeds. The wearer is continuously affected as though under the effects of freedom of movement and ignores all nonmagical difficult terrain.

The utter absurdity of someone aggressively skipping into mortal combat causes many opponents to underestimate the threat before them. During the first round of combat, any enemy with an Intelligence score of 3 or higher that has line of sight to the wearer must succeed on a DC 17 Will save or suffer a –2 morale penalty on attack rolls, weapon damage rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks until the beginning of that creature's next turn. This is a mind-affecting fear effect.

A creature immediately becomes immune to this effect for 24 hours after witnessing the wearer successfully strike an opponent, cast a harmful spell, or otherwise demonstrate genuine combat ability.

The wearer cannot voluntarily suppress the boots' enchantment. Any movement made while wearing them is accomplished by skipping.

LORE

No one agrees who first crafted the Boots of Aggressive Skipping. Some insist they were commissioned as an elaborate practical joke intended to humiliate an arrogant duelist. Others believe they were the life's work of an eccentric enchanter determined to prove that confidence could be every bit as frightening as menace. Whatever their true origin, every verified owner eventually abandoned attempts to resist the enchantment and instead learned to embrace it.

Accounts of the boots have appeared throughout history in places separated by centuries and kingdoms. Veterans tell of a champion who skipped laughing through volleys of arrows before routing an entire mercenary company. Highwaymen whisper of a brightly skipping traveler who crossed marshes, rubble, and tangled forests without ever breaking stride, leaving bewildered pursuers hopelessly behind. Those who survive such encounters seldom remember the battle itself as clearly as they remember the impossible sight of someone joyfully skipping toward certain danger without the slightest hesitation.

Collectors of magical curiosities often dismiss the boots as a novelty after witnessing their peculiar gait. Experienced adventurers know better. The laughter always comes first. The realization that the skipping fool is also the deadliest person on the battlefield almost always comes too late.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, freedom of movement, longstrider; Cost 14,000 gp + 1,120 XP.

KELWYN'S NOTES

There exists among civilized folk an almost sacred reverence for appearances. We adorn authority in solemn robes, clothe courage in polished steel, and drape wisdom beneath expressions of studied gravity. We have persuaded ourselves that danger, if it possesses even the smallest measure of courtesy, shall surely announce its arrival with sufficient dignity to satisfy our expectations. It is a charming belief, though history has displayed remarkably little interest in preserving those who cling to it.

The enchantment woven into these boots performs no deception in the traditional sense. It conceals neither form nor intention. The wearer advances in plain sight, making no effort to disguise either presence or purpose. The illusion is instead completed within the mind of every observer, each willingly surrendering reason in exchange for ridicule. Few enchantments accomplish so much while altering so very little.

It has long fascinated me that laughter and fear occupy neighboring chambers within the mortal heart. The passage between them is astonishingly brief. One moment a company finds amusement in the spectacle before them. The next, they discover that the object of their contempt has crossed the battlefield with impossible swiftness, untouched by snare or obstacle, while their own certainty lies broken upon the ground beside them. By then, amusement has become a memory of questionable value.

One may search every grimoire ever penned and find countless spells devoted to obscuring the truth. Far fewer concern themselves with allowing the truth to remain plainly visible while persuading witnesses to dismiss it. I have often suspected that the latter requires the greater understanding of both magic and human nature, for there are few forces in this world more dependable than a mind determined to believe exactly what it wishes to see.

Should these curious boots possess any lasting lesson, it is not that absurdity can become dangerous. That much has always been self-evident to any careful student of the arcane. Rather, it is that contempt has forever been among the most accomplished accomplices of death, requiring neither spell nor blade to prepare the way for both.

Bucket Helm of Heroism

Aura Moderate divination and transmutation; CL 10th
Slot Head; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.

DESCRIPTION

At first glance, the Bucket Helm of Heroism appears to be nothing more than an ordinary wooden bucket turned upside down. It bears no decoration, maker's mark or outward indication of enchantment. Despite its humble appearance, the bucket fits comfortably upon the head of any Medium humanoid, completely obscuring the wearer's face while allowing normal breathing and speech. To all appearances, the wearer has chosen farm equipment over proper armor.

The Bucket Helm of Heroism is a continuous, use-activated wondrous item. While worn, the wearer gains blindsight 30 feet, allowing them to perceive creatures, objects and terrain within that range without relying upon normal vision. Because the wearer does not use conventional sight, they are immune to all gaze attacks, including petrification, death gazes and similar visual effects. In addition, the wearer automatically succeeds on attempts to disbelieve any figment or glamer illusion that relies solely upon visual deception.

The bucket completely blocks the wearer's normal vision. Creatures, objects and locations beyond the range of the granted blindsight are treated as though they have total concealment. The wearer cannot read, observe distant objects, target creatures beyond 30 feet with effects requiring line of sight or perform any task requiring normal vision while wearing the bucket. Furthermore, the wearer gains a +4 morale bonus on saving throws against fear effects, their willingness to endure ridicule hardening their resolve against intimidation.

Once per day, the wearer may invoke the helm's signature ability, Headfirst Into Glory, as part of a charge attack. Activating this ability requires no action beyond declaring the charge. During the charge, the wearer instinctively senses the safest and most direct path to the target, ignoring terrain penalties that would reduce the wearer's movement during the charge, provided a legal charge path still exists. The attack gains a +5 insight bonus on the attack roll, as though affected by true strike. If the attack hits, it deals an additional 2d6 points of force damage as the bucket releases a thunderous, supernatural THUNK audible for hundreds of feet. This additional force damage is not multiplied on a critical hit.

LORE

The first Bucket Helm of Heroism is said to have belonged to Sir Brannic of the Bent Lance, whose finely crafted helmet was crushed beneath the foot of a hill giant moments before a decisive battle. Refusing to abandon his companions or retreat in disgrace, Brannic seized a sturdy stable bucket, inverted it upon his head and rode into the fray. His improbable victory inspired a wandering archmage to preserve that extraordinary act of courage within an enchantment that could be bestowed upon future generations.

Over the centuries, additional helms have appeared throughout the realms, each indistinguishable from an ordinary wooden bucket. Their reputation has spread through soldiers' camps and adventurers' guilds alike. Inexperienced warriors laugh openly when they first see one. Veterans do not. Too many dragons have fallen, too many medusas have been slain and too many beholders have perished after underestimating the fool wearing the bucket.

A persistent legend claims the enchantment does not respond to every wearer. According to old tales, the bucket grants its greatest power only to those willing to surrender their pride for the sake of others. Those who wear it merely for amusement or vanity supposedly discover nothing more than an uncomfortable wooden bucket upon their heads. Whether this is a genuine property of the magic or simply romantic folklore remains fiercely debated among sages.

Some collectors quietly repeat an old proverb whenever tales of the helm arise: Never laugh at the bucket. Someone stronger than you already did.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blindsight, find the path, heroism, true strike; Cost 21,000 gp + 1,680 XP, a sturdy oak bucket that has survived a victorious battle while worn as a helm and a masterwork steel helmet willingly sacrificed to protect another.

KELWYN'S NOTES

There are moments in a wizard's life that demand genuine humility. Mine arrived on a dreary autumn afternoon when I watched a knight calmly place an ordinary wooden bucket upon his head before issuing a challenge to a beholder. I had already begun composing the poor fool's eulogy in my mind.

The beholder appeared just as bewildered as I was. It unleashed eye ray after eye ray with supreme confidence, each one failing to accomplish anything of consequence. The knight continued advancing with the deliberate pace of a man who had accepted that dignity was a luxury best enjoyed after surviving the battle.

When the distance between them had finally closed, the knight lowered his head and charged. The impact produced a single, impossibly loud THUNK that echoed throughout the valley. Dust drifted from nearby cliffs. Birds abandoned their nests. The beholder's reign of terror ended rather abruptly.

Naturally, I sought permission to examine the bucket afterward. The knight politely declined, explaining that removing it before sunset would be "bad luck." Whether this was an obscure magical property or merely a convenient excuse to keep curious wizards at arm's length, I cannot honestly say.

Many magical artifacts dazzle with precious metals, glittering gemstones or impossible craftsmanship. This one disguises extraordinary power beneath rough timber and iron bands. It reminds us that appearances are often the least reliable measure of greatness.

Should you ever witness an armored warrior quietly placing a wooden bucket upon their head before battle, I strongly recommend withholding your laughter. Better still, stand behind them if they are your ally. Should they be your enemy... I suggest making peace with whatever gods are willing to listen.

Hobbyhorse of the Merry Cavalier

Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 16,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.

DESCRIPTION

At first glance, this item appears to be nothing more than a finely crafted wooden hobbyhorse mounted upon a polished ash pole. Speaking the command word while straddling the hobbyhorse causes both it and its rider to rise smoothly into the air until the rider sits at approximately the same height they would atop a Medium riding horse. Although no physical horse exists beneath the rider, an invisible magical force supports both rider and mount.

Once activated, the Hobbyhorse of the Merry Cavalier functions as a perfectly trained light horse. It responds instantly to the rider's spoken commands and body movements, allowing it to walk, trot, canter, gallop, stop, back, turn, leap, and maneuver with all the grace and responsiveness of a living mount. The hobbyhorse has a land speed of 60 feet and may run at ×4 speed.

The hobbyhorse occupies the same space as a Medium mount and grants its rider all the normal benefits and penalties of mounted combat, except where those benefits require the mount itself to make attacks. The hobbyhorse cannot make hoof attacks, trample, overrun, or otherwise attack creatures. It is never considered combat-trained.

The hobbyhorse remains no more than 5 feet above the nearest solid surface beneath it. It traverses hills, stairs, ramps, bridges, shallow water, uneven ground, and similar terrain exactly as though invisible legs carried it. It cannot climb vertical surfaces, leap farther than a normal horse, or move into an area where no supporting surface exists within 5 feet below. It is not capable of true flight.

The hobbyhorse can carry up to 300 pounds, including the rider and all equipment. It never tires and requires no food, water, sleep, or rest. Because it is not a living creature, it is immune to fear, poison, disease, mind-affecting effects, ability damage, ability drain, death effects, and any effect requiring a Fortitude save unless that effect also affects objects.

The hobbyhorse is a magical object with hardness 5 and 10 hit points. It may be attacked normally while active or inactive. If reduced to 0 hit points while activated, its enchantment immediately fails. If it is within 20 feet of a solid surface, it gently lowers its rider to the ground before collapsing into a broken, nonmagical wooden toy. If no suitable surface exists within 20 feet, or if circumstances prevent a safe descent, the rider falls normally from their current height. Once destroyed, the Hobbyhorse of the Merry Cavalier permanently loses its magical properties and cannot be repaired by mundane or magical means; a new item must be crafted.

Speaking the command word a second time dismisses the enchantment. The hobbyhorse gently lowers its rider to the ground before returning to its ordinary, toy-like appearance. Activating or dismissing the hobbyhorse is a standard action.

LORE

Legends disagree on who first conceived the impossible notion of riding a child's toy into earnest adventure. Some claim it was the work of a court jester determined to humble a vain king who judged worth solely by appearances. Others insist the enchantment originated with a practical wizard who sought a mount requiring neither stable nor fodder. Gnomish storytellers, however, simply grin and suggest that perhaps both tales are true.

Though its appearance invites laughter, seasoned travelers have long recognized the item's remarkable practicality. The hobbyhorse never throws a shoe, never bolts in fear, never requires grooming, and never complains after days of continuous travel. Couriers, wandering performers, hedge wizards, and adventurous children grown into adventurous adults have all found reasons to treasure the humble wooden steed.

Many owners report an unexpected consequence of carrying the hobbyhorse. Villagers who might otherwise greet a heavily armed traveler with suspicion often find themselves smiling instead. Even the sternest gate guards have been known to suppress a laugh as a fully armored knight trots confidently toward them atop what appears to be nothing more than a carved stick. In dangerous times, a moment of shared laughter can prove as valuable as enchanted steel.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantom steed; Cost 8,000 gp + 640 XP

KELWYN'S NOTES

I have encountered dragons with impeccable manners, demons capable of polite conversation, and kings possessing all the wisdom of spoiled geese. Experience has therefore taught me never to judge a thing by how ridiculous it first appears. The Hobbyhorse of the Merry Cavalier is a splendid example of this principle.

Many apprentices believe powerful magic must always cloak itself in grandeur. They carve dragons into their staffs, adorn their robes with stars, and insist every incantation be delivered as though addressing the heavens. Then along comes some cheerful enchanter who places years of arcane study into a child's toy and quietly rides past them while they are still saddling their horses.

I confess there is a certain elegance in removing every unnecessary complication from the notion of a mount. No feeding. No grooming. No mucking stalls. No frightened animal shying from fireballs or roaring monsters. The enchantment preserves every useful quality of horseback travel while dispensing with those inconveniences that stablemasters have accepted for centuries.

I have also observed that the rider's dignity survives only if the rider chooses to let it. Those who blush, apologize, or attempt to explain themselves become the subject of every jest. Those who sit proudly, offer a courteous nod, and continue on their journey soon discover that confidence has a curious way of silencing mockery. People are remarkably reluctant to laugh at someone who is plainly enjoying the joke more than they are.

So should fate ever place one of these delightful contrivances into your hands, mount it with a smile. Ride boldly through the marketplace. Tip your hat to the onlookers. There is profound magic in refusing to let embarrassment govern your actions. A brave soul upon a hobbyhorse will travel much farther than a fearful soul upon the finest stallion ever bred.

Fork of Profuse Puncturing

Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 10th
Slot —; Price 18,302 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION

At first glance, this appears to be nothing more than a perfectly ordinary steel dinner fork. It bears no gemstones, no gilding, no elaborate engravings, and no indication whatsoever that it is magical. It is balanced surprisingly well, however, and somehow feels entirely natural in the hand despite being unmistakably a piece of tableware.

The Fork of Profuse Puncturing functions as a +1 keen wounding fork. Treat it as a dagger in all respects, except that it deals 1d4 points of piercing damage and resembles an utterly mundane eating utensil. It threatens a critical hit on a 17-20 and deals double damage on a successful critical hit. Every successful hit also bestows 1 point of Constitution bleed damage, as described by the wounding special ability. The fork can be thrown with a range increment of 10 feet and may be used in melee or as a thrown weapon exactly as a dagger.

Despite its absurd appearance, the fork is fully capable of bypassing damage reduction and interacting with feats, class abilities, and magical effects exactly as though it were a dagger.

LORE

Legends claim the first of these bizarre weapons was created after two rival archmages spent an entire royal banquet arguing whether enchantment cared about dignity. One insisted that legendary power belonged only in legendary weapons. The other quietly enchanted the nearest dinner fork.

When a challenger mocked the ridiculous utensil and accepted a duel, witnesses expected a brief comedy. Instead, the enchanted fork carved through armor with uncanny precision, leaving wounds that refused to close. The duel ended quickly, and the laughter stopped even more quickly.

Today, surviving Forks of Profuse Puncturing are treasured by pranksters, assassins, eccentric nobles, and adventurers with an irrepressible sense of humor. Veterans know better than to laugh when someone confidently points a fork at them.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, keen edge, rage, creator must be at least 10th level; Cost 9,302 gp + 720 XP

Kelwyn's Notes

I have spent centuries cataloging artifacts capable of leveling castles, slaying dragons, or reshaping kingdoms. It is therefore deeply irritating that one of the more memorable magical weapons in my collection is, beyond all argument, a dining utensil.

Many apprentices laugh upon seeing it. They invariably ask whether it is meant as a joke. I encourage them to hold that opinion until after the first sparring match. Education often arrives with several inconvenient puncture wounds.

There exists a dangerous misconception that appearances determine capability. The universe has never shared that opinion. A fork may become a weapon, a shepherd may become a king, and a peasant's walking stick may someday carry enough enchantment to humble a tyrant. Reality possesses a delightfully wicked sense of irony.

I confess I have carried this fork to diplomatic dinners on several occasions. No threats were made, yet negotiations tended to proceed with remarkable civility once everyone realized I had absentmindedly set my enchanted utensil beside my plate. It is astonishing how polite people become when cutlery is demonstrably lethal.

Should you ever discover one of these curiosities, resist the temptation to ask why anyone would create such a thing. The better question is why anyone believed they could not. Magic has never been constrained by common sense, and I have long since stopped expecting it to begin.