Boots of Aggressive Skipping

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot feet; Price 28,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION

Fashioned from supple leather in vibrant colors, these boots are perpetually polished and somehow always appear brand new. The instant their wearer attempts to move, the boots compel an energetic skipping gait. Walking is impossible. Running simply becomes faster skipping. Even a cautious 5-foot step is performed with an enthusiastic hop.

While worn, the boots grant a +20-foot enhancement bonus to all movement speeds. The wearer is continuously affected as though under the effects of freedom of movement and ignores all nonmagical difficult terrain.

The utter absurdity of someone aggressively skipping into mortal combat causes many opponents to underestimate the threat before them. During the first round of combat, any enemy with an Intelligence score of 3 or higher that has line of sight to the wearer must succeed on a DC 17 Will save or suffer a –2 morale penalty on attack rolls, weapon damage rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks until the beginning of that creature's next turn. This is a mind-affecting fear effect.

A creature immediately becomes immune to this effect for 24 hours after witnessing the wearer successfully strike an opponent, cast a harmful spell, or otherwise demonstrate genuine combat ability.

The wearer cannot voluntarily suppress the boots' enchantment. Any movement made while wearing them is accomplished by skipping.

LORE

No one agrees who first crafted the Boots of Aggressive Skipping. Some insist they were commissioned as an elaborate practical joke intended to humiliate an arrogant duelist. Others believe they were the life's work of an eccentric enchanter determined to prove that confidence could be every bit as frightening as menace. Whatever their true origin, every verified owner eventually abandoned attempts to resist the enchantment and instead learned to embrace it.

Accounts of the boots have appeared throughout history in places separated by centuries and kingdoms. Veterans tell of a champion who skipped laughing through volleys of arrows before routing an entire mercenary company. Highwaymen whisper of a brightly skipping traveler who crossed marshes, rubble, and tangled forests without ever breaking stride, leaving bewildered pursuers hopelessly behind. Those who survive such encounters seldom remember the battle itself as clearly as they remember the impossible sight of someone joyfully skipping toward certain danger without the slightest hesitation.

Collectors of magical curiosities often dismiss the boots as a novelty after witnessing their peculiar gait. Experienced adventurers know better. The laughter always comes first. The realization that the skipping fool is also the deadliest person on the battlefield almost always comes too late.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, freedom of movement, longstrider; Cost 14,000 gp + 1,120 XP.

KELWYN'S NOTES

There exists among civilized folk an almost sacred reverence for appearances. We adorn authority in solemn robes, clothe courage in polished steel, and drape wisdom beneath expressions of studied gravity. We have persuaded ourselves that danger, if it possesses even the smallest measure of courtesy, shall surely announce its arrival with sufficient dignity to satisfy our expectations. It is a charming belief, though history has displayed remarkably little interest in preserving those who cling to it.

The enchantment woven into these boots performs no deception in the traditional sense. It conceals neither form nor intention. The wearer advances in plain sight, making no effort to disguise either presence or purpose. The illusion is instead completed within the mind of every observer, each willingly surrendering reason in exchange for ridicule. Few enchantments accomplish so much while altering so very little.

It has long fascinated me that laughter and fear occupy neighboring chambers within the mortal heart. The passage between them is astonishingly brief. One moment a company finds amusement in the spectacle before them. The next, they discover that the object of their contempt has crossed the battlefield with impossible swiftness, untouched by snare or obstacle, while their own certainty lies broken upon the ground beside them. By then, amusement has become a memory of questionable value.

One may search every grimoire ever penned and find countless spells devoted to obscuring the truth. Far fewer concern themselves with allowing the truth to remain plainly visible while persuading witnesses to dismiss it. I have often suspected that the latter requires the greater understanding of both magic and human nature, for there are few forces in this world more dependable than a mind determined to believe exactly what it wishes to see.

Should these curious boots possess any lasting lesson, it is not that absurdity can become dangerous. That much has always been self-evident to any careful student of the arcane. Rather, it is that contempt has forever been among the most accomplished accomplices of death, requiring neither spell nor blade to prepare the way for both.